Review – Underworld: Blood Wars
After seeing Underworld: Blood Wars, a quote from the movie Anchorman (2004) came to mind;
“That’s not a good start, but keep going.”
The 2017 movie year is off to a rough start, which is expected. January is a dead month for cinema. It is a time where studios release their worse movies on the docket. Occasionally, we will get a gem or two, like The Grey (2012), but those are like gold hidden amongst a sea of rocks. Underworld: Bloodwars is, unsurprisingly, not one of those gems.
Watching Underworld: Blood Wars is the equivalent of being asked to shoveling your parents driveway during a giant snowstorm. It’s obnoxious, loud, cold, and gloomy. There is no joy in doing it and you’re miserable the entire time.
The movie starts with our vampire heroine, Celine (Kate Beckinsale), voice over an exposition of everything that has happened in the franchise over the last twelve years. Thank God this happened, because I legitimately forgot about everything except for it was vampire vs werewolves.
After getting all caught up, I immediately forgot 80% of what was said. All I know is Celine’s daughter has both vampire and Lycan blood, making her a rare breed and wanted by both clans. Celine, however, is being hunted by both Lycan’s and the vampires that betrayed her. She uses the help of David (Theo James) and his father, Thomas (Charles Dance), to help stop the war between both clans and keep her daughter safe.
Deception, backstabbing, and violence, lots of violence, ensues in Celine’s quest. Some of the violence and action scenes are pretty sweet, like the fight between Celine and the leader of the Lycans, Marius (Tobias Menzies), on the ice, and when Celine literally rips the spine out of somebody at the end of the movie is one of the coolest things I’ve seen in a long time. But the other action sequences, and there are plenty, are loud, chaotic, and poorly edited, making me not care who died or who was fighting.
I will say that, even with the horrible dialog, redundant violence, and boring story, Beckinsale rocks the black leather like nobody else and really looks like she cares about this movie. Kudos to her for owning her role and the movie, even though it is old and tired and could double for a contacts commercial.
The Underworld franchise needs to be shut down and Blood Wars proves it. However, I doubt that it will. At the end of the movie, Celine, doing a voice over once again, says, “There is no beginning. There is no end,” implying her journey will continue, to which I loudly replied, “Fuuuuuuck!”
MY RATING – 1/4
Did you see Underworld: Blood Wars? What did you think? Comment below or hit me up on Twitter and Instagram, @kevflix, or on Facebook and and YouTube by searching Kevflix.