2023 NFL Draft – Movie Edition
Kevflix has always been a website about movies, with the occasional dabble into some TV. But my first love before getting into writing about movies was sports and it is something I am still very passionate about. Since I can remember, I’ve always loved sports. I have my favorites to play and watch, but I don’t discriminate against any sport. Whether something as popular as basketball or a sport so random it might not even be classified as a sport, I’ll watch it and try to play it all.
This week, the 2023 NFL Draft is taking place, so in honor of the draft, I am going to do a mock draft of the first ten picks of the 2023 draft. Then, using my knowledge of each team, along with some real 2023 NFL mock drafts to see what the teams need, I am going to draft them a player from a football movie that would actually make an impact on their team and one that I could realistically see the team drafting if they were real.
For a football movie to be eligible, the movie must be fiction, so sorry Remember the Titans, The Express, Friday Night Lights, and others. All fictional movie characters are eligible, even if they were in high school, prison, or are older than draft picks would usually be.
#1 Pick – Carolina Panthers
With the #1 pick, the Carolina Panthers select…
‘Steamin’ Willie Beamen, Quarterback (Any Given Sunday)
Despite being a franchise that feels like they are in complete disarray, the Carolina Panthers ended up 7-10 last season and were only a few games out of a playoff spot in the miserable NFC South. With Tom Brady officially retired and the rest of the division in flux, it feels like the Panthers could take the division if they choose right at number one, which is why they are going to pick the best quarterback in this draft class.
Willie Beamen is the most explosive quarterback we’ve seen in years. A kid who can sling it like Patrick Mahomes and run like Lamar Jackson. He plays a big game and has an even bigger personality. Even though they gave up top-target DJ Moore to Chicago in their trade for the number one pick, the Panthers signed running back Miles Sanders and wide receiver Adam Thielen in free agency, which will give Beamen some sure-handed veterans to lean on and make the Panthers favorites in the division.
#2 Pick – Houston Texans
With the #2 pick, the Houston Texans select…
Johnny Utah, Quarterback (Point Break)
Houston keeps teasing that they may not take a quarterback with the second overall pick, but I think they’re just bluffing and will pick the talented lefty out of Ohio State, Johnny Utah. Utah blew his knee out in college, but doctors have given him the seal of approval for full contact and Utah has shown his knee is in good condition with a beach football game and by chasing down a group of bank robbers on foot. Utah will be a welcome addition to the young and talented Texans’ offense.
#3 Pick – Arizona Cardinals
With the #3 pick, the Arizona Cardinals select…
Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea, Linebacker/Full Back (The Little Giants)
The Arizona Cardinals are a mess and will be a mess for years to come. Kyler Murray is out with a torn ACL, Deandre Hopkins and Buda Baker, arguably the team’s two best players, have demanded trades, they have a new coach and are in a tough division. With so many spots that need help, they’re going to draft a truly gifted athlete in Becky “Ice Box” O’Shea. O’Shea is a monster linebacker that is going to make quarterbacks sweat. She can also double in as full-back; in case veteran James Conner gets hurt or doesn’t perform up to par.
#4 Pick – Indianapolis Colts
With the #4 pick, the Indianapolis Colts select…
Paul Crewe, Quarterback (The Longest Yard)
The Colts are desperate for a quarterback. The washed-veteran run of Rivers, Wentz, and Ryan was a failure, and they need a franchise quarterback who can lead their team to battle in the division against Trevor Lawrence and the Jacksonville Jaguars. Paul Crewe might have some off-field issues, but he showed he’s a true leader against the Allenville guards. The talent is there so if he stays out of trouble, Crewe could be Indianapolis’s next Andrew Luck.
#5 Pick – Seattle Seahawks
With the #5 pick, the Seattle Seahawks select…
Luther ‘Shark’ Lavay, Defensive End (Any Given Sunday)
Seattle surprised everyone last year by making it to the playoffs with Geno Smith under center. Geno was cooking all season and has a slew of weapons in DK Metcalf, Tyler Lockett, and running back Kenneth Walker III. The Seahawks defense was easily their biggest flaw, which is why they are going to pick an absolute monster with the fifth pick. Luther Lavay will have a day one impact with a skill set reminiscent of the great Lawrence Taylor.
#6 Pick – Detroit Lions
With the #6 pick, the Detroit Lions select…
Stefan ‘Stef’ Djordjevic, Cornerback (All the Right Moves)
The Lions just traded cornerback Jeff Okudah to the Atlanta Falcons, which leaves a spot open to add one of the most exciting defensive prospects in this year’s draft. Djordjevic is a raw, fast, gritty talent from Pennsylvania that can cover both sides of the field. He’s incredibly passionate and willing to do anything for his team, something Lion’s coach Dan Campbell will love.
#7 Pick – Las Vegas Raiders
With the #7 pick, the Las Vegas Raiders select…
Billy Bob, Guard (Varsity Blues)
Derek Carr is out at quarterback in Las Vegas and Josh McDaniels brought in Jimmy Garoppolo from San Francisco to replace him. Jimmy G will serve as a solid quarterback with some elite weapons around him in Devante Adams and Josh Jacobs. But the Raiders did a terrible job protecting Carr and desperately need to beef up that O-line for Jimmy G. Despite some concussion concerns, Billy Bob will do anything and everything to protect his quarterback. The hard-partying Texan will also thrive in Las Vegas and enjoy the city’s nightlife and bar scene.
#8 Pick – Atlanta Falcons
With the #8 pick, the Atlanta Falcons select…
Greg Jenko, Wide Receiver (22 Jump Street)
With second-year quarterback Desmond Ridder slated to be the starter next year, the Falcons have an opportunity to beef up the offense around him. With Tyler Algier leading the backfield, the Falcons are going to get Ridder another passing weapon. Greg Jenko showed he was a sure-handed wide receiver at MC State that could lineup anywhere on the field. While older than most players in this draft class, pairing Jenko with Drake London and Kyle Pitts will give Atlanta one of the most exciting receiving corps in the NFL.
#9 Pick – Chicago Bears
With the #9 pick, the Chicago Bears select…
Manumana, Center (Necessary Roughness)
The Bears traded down from the first overall pick and in doing so, brought in a stud wide receiver in DJ Moore and gained a ton of other picks while maintaining the most cap space in the NFL. While their defense could use some sprucing up, Justin Fields is the future of the team, and they need to protect him at all costs. The Bears will use the ninth overall pick on Manumana, the monster Samoan who mastered the center position at Texas State.
#10 Pick – Philadelphia Eagles
With the #10 pick, the Philadelphia Eagles select…
Earl Meggette, Running Back (The Longest Yard)
Thanks to a trade with the Saints, the Super Bowl-runner-ups have the tenth pick in the draft. The rich just keep getting richer and the Eagles are going to hit the jackpot with Earl Meggette. The crafty running back has the agility and speed to become one of the best backs in the NFL, running between the tackles with the ability to catch the ball out of the backfield. With Miles Sanders leaving for Carolina, Maggette can be a key addition to Philly’s already high-powered offense.
STILL IN THE DRAFT ROOM
Joey Battle, Linebacker, The Longest Yard
Bobby Boucher, Defensive End, The Waterboy
Shane Falco, Quarterback, The Replacements
Jumbo Fumiko, Tackle, The Replacements
Vontae Mack, Defensive End, Draft Day
Deacon Moss, Wide Receiver, The Longest Yard
Brian Murphy, Tight End, The Replacements
Rod Tidwell, Wide Receiver, Jerry Maguire
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