Worst Movies of 2016

In 2016, I saw over 160 movies, and for the most part, I would say it was a great year for movies, with some really spectacular films.  Howver, with the good comes the bad and boy, did we get some terrible, awful, horrible movies this year.  We got awful movies from all genres and all directors, some I’d even consider great directors.  So, without further ado, here are my ten worst movies of 2016.

 

10 – THE GIRL ON THE TRAIN  (Tate Taylor)

Every year, I reserve the number ten spot for my most disappointing movie.  This doesn’t necessarily mean it is a terrible movie, but one that I had high hopes for and it let me down.  This was a close call, as I was extremely disappointed by the Oscar-baity Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk and the cop thriller, Triple 9, but nothing disappointed me more than The Girl on the Train.  This isn’t a bad movie, and it actually features a great performance by Emily Blunt.  But, for the subject matter, the movie lacks bite.  It is almost too easy of a watch for a movie about murder, lust, and deception.  If this movie had been directed by David Fincher, it would have been great.  But, Tate Taylor’s safe direction really hurt this film in the end.

 

 

9 – RIDE ALONG 2/ CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE (Tim Story/Rawson Marshall Thurber)

A double dose of Kevin Hart for this one.  I couldn’t pick one without the other, as I hated both of them equally.  I wasn’t a big fan of the first Ride Along (2014).  It had a few laughs, but got annoying and cliche towards the end.  I didn’t expect much from the sequel, and don’t even know why I saw it.  But I did and I got the exact same thng, with less laughs.  Central Intelligence is the real bummer here.  It has Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in it, it’s directed by the man that made Dodgeball (2004), and it had Hart in a different role as the “straight” character.  The twists are predictable, the action runs thin, the comedy is non-existent, and worst of all, I hated The Rock, which is something I never thought possible and something I never want to happen again.

 

8 – COLLATERAL BEAUTY (David Frankel)

This is the first, but not last, appearance by Will Smith on this list.  Collateral Beauty is a bland, melodramatic, mean-spirited movie.  It looks at sad rich people manipulating their fellow rich friend so they can make a deal to make more money.  Will Smith is just sad, and the rest of the incredible cast is absolutely wasted.  This movie made me angry.

 

7 – FREE STATE OF JONES (Gary Ross)

I remember seeing this movie as a stress reliever.  I do that from time to time.  When I’m angry or heavily annoyed, I go to the movies to zone out and take my mind off things and focus on the movie.  After Free State of Jones, I left the theater angrier and more annoyed.  This is a dreadfully boring, uninspired true story about an important figure in our history.  It stars Matthew McConaughey and Mahershala Ali, both of whom are better than this material, and is directed by Gary Ross, who has done excellent work as a director, it’s odd seeing this disaster.  This is a travesty to the real man, Newton Knight.

 

6 – SHUT IN (Farren Blackburn)

I had no idea Shut In existed until I got an e-mail about an early screening for it.  I didn’t go to that screening due to scheduling conflicts with other screenings, but because it starred Naomi Watts and Jacob Tremblay and I see everything, I made it a point to check it out.  Poor choice, Kevin, poor choice.  This is an absolutely scareless horror movie.  Nothing even had my heart racing.  Kudos to Watts for giving a shit and trying, but the effort is wasted.  This is a complete ripoff of The Shining (1980) and it might as well take a giant dump on the Kubrick masterpiece.

 

5 – ZOOLANDER 2 (Ben Stiller)

I should have known better.  Why would I think that a sequel to comedy classic would be good, let alone one that is coming out fifteen years after the original?  Well, stupid me, I had hope, and all hopes were crushed within a matter of minutes.  Zoolander 2 is dumber than the model himself.  It’s an empty, ridiculous, just stupid movie with enough celebrity cameos that if I were to do a shot for each one, I’d be blacked out by the first half hour.  This is the gold standard for this recent Hollywood trend of making sequels far after they deserved one.

 

4 – KNIGHT OF CUPS (Terrence Malick)

Knight of Cups really solidified that I am not a Terrence Malick fan.  I just don’t get his appeal.  Like all of his movies look beautiful, but they either have no plot or are too dense for my liking or anybody’s liking.  Knight of Cups is all of that.  It is a glossy, pointless movie that, like a few movies on this list, wastes a stellar cast.  I think I may skip Malick movies from now on.  I say that, but I know I’m lying to myself.

 

3 – RULES DON’T APPLY (Warren Beatty)

Warren Beatty hasn’t been in a movie in over a decade.  So he decided to make his comeback with a passion project he’s wanted to make for decades about aviation tycoon Howard Hughes.  He should have stayed retired.  This is an erratic, uneven film about old Howard Hughes (Beatty, hamming it up) and a weird love affair he had with an actress.  The movie should really be titled, Warren Beatty and Friends, because the film is filled all of Beatty’s friends he has made over the years.  The editing is choppy, the tone can’t decide what it wants to do, and the movie runs far too long.  This is the definition of a vanity piece.

 

2 – MEET THE BLACKS (Deon Taylor) 

Look, obviously Meet the Blacks wasn’t going to be a comedy classic.  I get that.  But the goal of a comedy, any comedy, is to be funny.  Where it is the latest Adam Sandler movie or a Mel Brooks production, a comedy needs to be funny.  Meet the Blacks is not.  Not even one chuckle came out of me through out the movie.  I expected at least something seeing as the film stars the usually funny Mike Epps.  But, when a movie has to resort to Mike Tyson ear-biting jokes, nearly twenty years after the incident happened, you know you’re in for a rough time.  Meet the Blacks will forever go down as the first and only comedy I have never laughed in.

 

 

1 – BATMAN V. SUPERMAN: DAWN OF JUSTICE & SUICIDE SQUAD A.K.A THE DCCU (Zack Snyder & David Ayer)

Meet the Blacks owned the number one spot for a long time this year.  But, after seeing the hot garbage D.C. and Warner Brothers put out this year, I couldn’t justify placing it at number one.  Putting just one of these movies at number one wouldn’t be fair, as they are both bad movies and the D.C. Cinematic Universe needs to be called out.  What in the actual fuck happened?  Man of Steel (2013), though I wasn’t a huge fan of, showed promise that what this universe was going to be.  But man, did they shit the bed.  I already talked about it in my Takeaways segment, but I’ll say it again.  Batman v. Superman should have been a showdown of the two biggest comic book icons.  Instead, it is a jumbled mess that plays out like people trying to get through one doorway; we get part Man of Steel 2, part solo Batman movie, part Justice League intro movie, part Batman v. Superman movie.  All four are jammed into this movie and it doesn’t work at all.  Suicide Squad is just two hours of unpleasant, unappealing, boring action featuring one of the worst comic book performances ever from Jared Leto as The Joker.  I hate these movies and if D.C. keeps this up, they’re in big trouble.

 

What do you think are the worst movies of 2016?  Comment below or hit me up on Twitter and Instagram, @kevflix, or on Facebook and YouTube by searching Kevflix.